I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize