she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
