tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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