out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
