someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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