i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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