i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
