Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
