you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
