he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Pooping to opera.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
