make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
