i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
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I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
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