I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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