just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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