just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
