It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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