Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
