Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
These tits shall not be calmed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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