I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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