Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
