I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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