I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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