I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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