Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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