I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
