we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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