his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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