She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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