this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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