Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
