i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
