Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
