i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
sex in a hospital.. check
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
