apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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