my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
