and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
