we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
