Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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