Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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