Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
