2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
