i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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