Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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