Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just found a bag of teeth...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
