watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
