Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
