I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
