So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
