i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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