ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
