If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
