Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
