Please, let me fuck your mom
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
