I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
