I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
