My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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