Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
