The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
