finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
