Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize