I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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