i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I smell like Dick and happiness
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
