He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
