somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
