i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
