well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
