I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
