Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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